Late last week I quickly checked the news headlines, only to learn of the horrific school shooting in Bend, Oregon. I thought first of the lives lost tragically that day, their survivors, and all the children and families whose lives would never be the same. My thoughts then turned to the alleged assailant, a16-year-old student. All the usual questions came to mind: How did he acquire a gun? What were his motives? What was his mental state? Where was his family? How could this happen? 

I had just interviewed author, educator, and coach Brooklyn Raney, so another question stirred in my mind:  Who were the trusted adults in this student’s life, and where were they when he needed them? 

Raney is founder of One Trusted Adult and the author of a book by the same name, and gave the keynote address at the 2026 ECLC Summer Institute. Raney began her career as a high school teacher, and recalled often being told during professional development sessions that a trusted adult was the greatest protective factor for students. But looking around her, she was left to wonder whether students actually considered the adults in their schools to be people they could trust. That question fueled an intensive research and practice inquiry that continues to this day. 

I am pleased to share excerpts from our interview below. 

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Jane: What specifically do educators need to be successful in building trusted relationships?

Brooklyn: Clear expectations. It’s not a lack of good intention, but rather that the messages they’re getting are contradictory to what the research states and what can actually be done in practice. Ten years into being a teacher, I was still not understanding the expectations. What I came to learn is that it’s not about more. You’re not their therapist, you’re not their friend, you’re not their parent. We are supplemental to the work of parents and at home guardians. We are not trying to replace the work of parents and guardians. The best way to teach effectively is to build appropriate, trusted relationships with students, grounded in clear boundaries and an honest understanding of what your role is and is not. This protects children, while also supporting educators’ well-being and longevity.   

The statistics are very clear that people are leaving education, and young people are not entering the field. We’re in big trouble. We need to reset the expectations on hours of work, on what can be expected for the extras that we do for kids. We found that when there’s one person in the school who goes beyond the call of duty, it actually can undermine all the other adults’ abilities to build trusted relationships because they’re setting a pace and an expectation that others can’t keep up with.

Jane: Everybody assumes they know how to have a relationship. But not everybody knows how to have a healthy relationship. How do you break down the skills? What are the beliefs, knowledge, and skills that educators need in order to be able to cultivate those healthy relationships?

Brooklyn: When you dig in with schools, you see that there aren’t clearly written expectations, but the word “relationships” will be used hundreds of times in the handbook and in trainings. We did a qualitative analysis of mentor, mentee relationships – teacher/student and coach/player – looking at the qualities that would allow for the types of relationships that actually promote academic growth and positive youth development. Three qualities stood out: being accessible, having boundaries, and caring – we call it “ABC.”

• Accessibility is all about signaling to someone that I’m interested in building a relationship. It can be as simple as smiling, remembering someone’s name, offering a personal greeting, remembering something about them, inviting them to help you. Small gestures. It’s not being accessible 24/7. It’s about signaling that you are interested in a relationship and then letting young people know where they can find you, when they can find you, and what they should find you for.  

• Boundaries are the limits of our accessibility and the limits of our care. Boundaries are signals of safety. I know who you are in my life. There are limits and guardrails. This is the area that is most challenging for a majority of teachers and school leaders. But when I talk about boundaries with school staff, you can hear a pin drop.  They realize that they need boundaries in order to be happier and healthier, to sleep better and prioritize their own family life. Everyone needs boundary training. In schools and youth serving organizations, most boundary training focuses on the legal components of it, which are really important. We also know that there are professional boundaries, and social and emotional boundaries. Without boundaries, without clear expectations, we cannot have a safe, trusted relationship.

• Care is about how people express care and how others receive it and how we can close that gap. In schools. About 96% of educators said they cared about their students, but only 30 to 35% of students said they felt cared for by the adults at school. We need to be more upfront about what care looks like and what kind of care you can expect from me as an educator, and change our message, our mode, to ensure that the right care is being delivered in any given moment.

Jane: What I love about your book is that you unpack the dimensions of care.

Brooklyn: Most educators entered education because they care. Now, could that care waiver or your priorities shift or your focus shift? Certainly. And some days we do put on a smile, even when we’re not feeling it. Is that performative? Is that part of the job? We could debate that for hours. But we want to help people better express and communicate how they feel, express the care and the investment they feel in a young person. We looked at multiple frameworks to understand the power and importance of young people feeling a sense of care in schools or in learning spaces. We narrowed down all of these frameworks to determine the specific ways in which people actually deliver that care. So not just the feeling or not just what a young person should expect to receive, but the things an adult can do.

We’re looking at relationships of hierarchy: how can the person in power express care in a genuine, authentic way that moves someone forward? How does that person in power deliver feedback? From our interviews, we found four key dimensions of care:.

• Encouragement is about cheerleading and appreciation of the student;
• Accountability is about holding high expectations and keeping students safe.
• Comforting is about listening, affirming, and providing a calm presence.
• Advisement is about helping young people navigate in the world, giving them future-focused guidance.

We have an assessment that tests these characteristics and we know that people lean towards a certain preference for expressing care. And if you lead a school, you can look at your staff and see who the cheerleaders, the challengers, the comforters, and the coaches are. But all dimensions are needed in any given teacher, so the first step is your own recognition of which way you lean. A strength can also dip to a shadow side if it’s overused. Our work is to get really good at our strength, but also to become fluent in all expressions of care. The real work is recognizing a situation, looking at the indicators of what might be needed, and then turning the dial to deliver the type of care that will best serve this moment and this child versus caring in our preferred way. Much has to happen there in that moment to be thinking through what’s needed, not just what can I offer.

Jane: As you know, Power of Place works with adults. What about the relationships among adults in schools?  Do those matter, and if so, how?

Brooklyn: We recently reviewed data from a boundary assessment sent to educators last spring that asked whether they were working too hard or taking on too much. We asked, “What is one pressure or problem that negatively affects your ability to maintain appropriate boundaries in your work and with students?” The most common response was “my colleagues—the other adults in the building.” That surprised me. I expected student behavior, parent expectations, or poor leadership, not colleague-to-colleague dynamics. We learned about the invisible competition among colleagues. Respondents described frequently covering for absent teachers and effectively doing two jobs. They also cited poor meeting behavior, disruptions, and colleagues oversharing with students in ways that undermined their work.

Programs like [Power of Place] are especially important because they provide perspective. I think when people can leave their environment, even just for a day and sit with other people who know but don’t know my school or the dynamics and the people, that perspective can change everything.  

Brooklyn Raney’s EdWeek article, “This is the Letter I Want Every School Leader to Send to Parents” is not to be missed. It is one of the publication’s most downloaded resources. Other articles by Raney on adult-to-adult boundaries can be found here and here.  Raney will also join the PoP Book Club on Monday, October 26, from 4-5:30 pm on Zoom for a conversation with participants.